Where is Dean Martin When We Need Him?

The other night I watched the celebrity roast of Pamela Anderson on the cable channel, Comedy Central. Or I should say, I watched part of it.

I thought it would be funny.

It wasn't.

I thought I would see something like the famous celebrity roasts of Dean Martin. His shows were delightful and funny. To this day I can remember some of Red Button's hilarious "never got a dinner" lines. I thought I would see some comedians and other celebrities stand up and playfully tease Ms. Anderson, and then Pamela would get her turn to tease them back.

Just like Dean's famous guests.

What I saw instead, was the most obscene, filthy exhibition of depravity I have ever seen on television. I have seen pornography that was less offensive.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I'm not used to seeing such perversion. I used to be married to a stripper. I am a recovering porn addict. Not very much shocks me.

But this show did. Don't take my word for it. Comedy Central, as is their way, will no doubt air it again and again and again, ad nauseum, so you will get a chance to see for yourself. But I will offer you this caveat:

If obscenity and perversion offends you, don't watch it. Consider yourself warned.

Let me see if I can recall enough to give you an idea what I am talking about.

There were continual references to the infamous sex video of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee that was supposedly "accidentally" released to the public via internet. There were what seemed to be hundreds of references to the size of both Tommy Lee's and Pamela's genitalia. There were references to Pamela's Breast implants. There were nude pictures of Pamela Anderson broadcast, although they were mercifully blurred in strategic places by the otherwise non-existent censor. Oh God, I don't remember what all else went on there, mercifully. I turned the channel before I had seen all of it.

The other guests weren't spared the depraved barbs from the various comedians, either. Courtney Love, the widow of Kurt Colbain, was attacked mercilessly by the comedians about her addictions to drugs, alcohol, and sex. One comedian actually made reference to the current state of her dead husband. Absolutely appalling, in my opinion. I don't have any respect or love for Courtney love, mind you, but that disrespect went way too far over the line. Even for her.

Later, she responded to another insult about her "sluttiness" by leaning back in her chair and spreading her legs wide in front of the national audience. It was also blurred, so apparently she wasn't wearing anything under her skirt. Thank God the network censor managed to catch that one, too.

By the way, Courtney groggily announced she had been "clean and sober" for an entire year. Apparently, she fell off the wagon just for that night. Or so it appeared.

I don't know. Maybe your humble friend and uneducated blogger is becoming an old fuddy-duddy in his old age, but I kind of think just about anyone would have been offended by this disgraceful event.

Where, O where is Dean Martin when you need him?

Alas, Dino is dead, but surely turning over in his grave.