A Mothers Story

Let me tell you all a story. It is a true story. It is about my ex-wife and one very big reason why she's my ex-wife. It has a point so don't go away.

When I met my ex-wife she was already married to another man. She had one child, a cherubic red haired boy, 3 years old. Her husband was abusive. He would beat her physically and verbally assault her. After 7 years of this abuse, she left him and brought her son with her.

At this time the most important person in her life was her son. She loved him more than life. She would do, and did everything for him. Because she loved him so much, she allowed him to behave anyway he wanted to. In other words, she spoiled him.

There are some who would say this isn't really love, and I would tend to agree, but I don't know what else you could call it.

Her and I dated and after a time we were married. She insisted that I adopt her son. I didn't really want to, I felt that adoption wasn't really needed, but I acquiesced.
So then, he was my son, too. Later we had a son of our own. So now, she had 2 children to spoil and she did.

This was the reason we began to have problems. I believe in discipline. She didn't. The focus of our differences was her natural son, my adopted son. I guess she felt that since I wasn't his birth father, I had no right to discipline him, because when he disobeyed, I would attempt to mete out discipline, and she would defend him. In front of him. I was between a rock and a hard place. If I disciplined him she would fight me and cause discord. If I didn't, he would continue to act up and that would cause discord.

As is often the case with undisciplined kids, he became increasingly hard to control, and got involved with some very bad people. He got arrested the first time when he was 12, and spent a year in a juvenile detention center.

But my wife loved him, and we drove 100 miles every weekend to spend the day with him. When he got out he went right back to his friends and right back into trouble. This time, I told him that if he got put into jail again, I would not waste my time visiting him.

And I didn't.

After a couple of arrests more, he was placed into a group home for juvenile offenders. My wife visited him reguarly. One day he escaped custody. And she helped him. She helped him hide from the police for a year afterwards. I was not "allowed" to interfere at all, anymore. She believed that somehow, I was the reason for all the trouble he was in.

To make a long story a trifle shorter, we ended up divorcing, mainly for this reason.
What little discipline he still had left when I did. After I left, in a PCP induced rage, he attempted to rape and murder his mother.

He was 17 at this time.

That changed her attitude about him immediately. She had him arrested and, while he was still in jail, she moved away, leaving no forwarding address.

To this day he doesn't know where she is. And she doesn't want him to know. And she doesn't know where he is. And she no longer cares about him.

For some reason, she apparently no longer cares about her younger son either, although he is not, nor has he ever been a behavior problem. She sent him to live with me.

Now. The point I am making is this:

Sometimes a mothers love can become something else.

I am sick of hearing about Cindy Sheehan and her crusade in the name of her son. I believe she is either exploiting the death of her own son or allowing herself and his memory to be used to further an anti-Bush agenda.

I am sick of those who say that she is a grieving mother. I don't believe she is honoring the memory of her son. I wonder about her sincerity. I wonder if she really loved her son. Maybe, as in my ex-wife's case, she did once.

But remember, It has been proven that she has always been a vocal anti-war advocate. Perhaps the son that she once loved, alienated her from himself when he decided to join the armed service. Maybe, just maybe, she is so angry at the Bush administration that her anger carried over into hatred for her son and for what he believed and died for. Perhaps she is angry at her son for "joining" what she considered her enemies.

Perhaps she is an unwitting pawn in the extreme leftist groups agenda. But in my opinion, she is dishonoring her son and his memory. And I don't see that as an act of a loving mother. And, as i said, sometimes love gets replaced by other things.

In any case, I am sick of hearing about her and her crusade. And I believe most of America is too. We were all sympathetic to her at first. But now, I think most of the people want her and her group to just go away. The left wing arm of the media (not ALL media) who uses these stories to further their own agenda has done the usual stellar job of buiding a mountain from a molehill and, instead of creating more sympathy, it has created apathy.

I could be all wrong, of course, and if I am, I would be the first to apologize.

But I could be dead on.

UPDATE: I made this post before I listened to any talk shows on radio, as I have stated previously that I make it a point to do. After posting this, I had the chance to hear Dan Patrick's take on this subject, wherein he pointed out that Ms. Sheehan might not have always had her current opinion on the war and Bush. He says she was traumatized by her son's death and the sorrow has crept in and tramsformed her opinion. Which more or less agrees with my observation. Trauma undoubtably had a devastating impact on both her and my ex-wife, and very well could have changed them. However, Cindy Sheehan has said herself that she and her family was opposed to war before her son enlisted, so Dan may be mistaken. I don't know.

That said, although it is a valid reason for why they both may have changed their minds, the main point of my post remains the same. It matters not why they changed, only that they have chosen these methods to cope.