Saturday, December 24, 2005

Rudolph The Disco Reindeer

Several years ago, I attended a Christmas party hosted by a friend of mine. He had a karaoke machine set up there for the guests to display their singing talents. Also in attendance were two young men who were gay. They were partners. Before my turn at karaoke, I spoke to my host on whether I might offend the two with my selection. He assured me they were good sports, so when my turn to sing came, I selected my song, and when the famous strains of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" began, I sang the following lyrics:

You've heard of Slasher and Flasher
And Pansy and Bitchin'
Vomit and Stupid
And Bummer and Nixon.
But do you recall
The wierdest reindeer of all?

Rudolph the disco reindeer
Wore a lot of funny clothes.
And everytime you saw him,
He was sticking cocaine up his nose.

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him queer
All they ever did was watch football
And drink a lot of beer.

Then one boring weekday night
Santa came to say
"Rudolph with your skin tight pants
Let's go to Xenon and dance."

Then all the reindeer flipped out
And they were all heard to say,
"Rudolph the disco reindeer
Has gotten Santa Claus to turn gay!"

The two gay men laughed louder and longer than the rest.

Also, I received this in an e-mail a little while ago:

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Enjoy!

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that
he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet. (me too)

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh


Mary said...


Thanks for adding some brightness to the season, Mark.

Wishing you a wonderful Christmas!

tugboatcapn said...

I love the Hollywood Squares...

I almost missed them, because I was too young, and my Mom amd Dad didn't want it to warp my impressionable mind...(fortunately, I am no longer young, or impressionable.)

Mark, you have a wonderful Christmas. You are one of my bestest Bloggy Buddies. :-)

Gayle said...

ROTFALMAO! That was hysterical! Thank you for many good chuckles.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Mark.

That Rudolph song was funny too! :)

MadMustard said...

Those were some good grins, Mark. The old Hollywood Squares had some funny personalities.

Have a Merry Christmas!

Francis Lynn said...

Merry Christmas, Mark & to all you bloggesists out there, & happy winter holiday to the secularists amongst us.

Mike's America said...

Merry Christmas Mark!

And Happy Ramadan to your moonbat colony!

CrystalDiggory said...

Thanks for the laughs! Those were hilarious. Have a Merry Christmas.