Guest Post Today

I have things to do today and I had an idea for a blogpost today but the idea has removed itself from my mind. Totally. So I am going to feature a guest blogger today.

OK, He's not really a guest blogger. I stole this off his web site. Anyway, here's Larry the Cable guy:

GIT-R-DONE! Well here we are headed to Thanksgiving about to head to that stretch drive of Christmas and once again the anti-Christmas assholes are trying to ban "Merry Christmas". Lets see, it's a holiday about the birth of Christ but yet were not supposed to mention Christ! That makes as much sense as Michael Moore test driving a Mini Cooper! Ya know the Christian religion only gets what, two holidays a year? Christmas and Easter, three if ya count the Daytona 500, and now these PC assholes want to ban "Merry Christmas"! I say this year "Merry Christmas" your ass off as loud as ya can just to piss these pathetic people off! This pisses me off! I'm under more stress than the fat Dixie Chick's control top panties!

My brother however just had some good news this season. Budweiser just sent him a lifetime achievment award and Cracker Barrel just inducted him into the Cracker Barrel wall of bad checks! We're so damn proud! Here's something that gets me as irritated as Star Jones getting mistaken by photographers as ex Chicago Bear William "Refrigerator" Perry. I keep seeing these Hickory Farms baskets in stores that you can buy as gifts. What kinda gift is that? I guess nothing says "Happy Birthday Jesus" like a 2 foot meat stick and some spicy mustard! This world is nuttier than squirrel poop! Speaking of fecies, can you believe how long all those riots in France lasted? Incredible! But I guess when ya don't shower a lot and there's a lot of body odor 24 hours a day then I suppose tear gas aint much of a repelant for anybody. I heard that the only thing that made the idiots stop rioting and head for safety was when the French police took their boots off! (That's funny I and don't care who ya are!) Well I have some bad news. I think my nephew is having sex with his teacher. I've never actually seen anything happen but my sister told me that he came home 2 days in a row with 3 gold stars on his nuts! I have no idea what that means but that just doesn't seem on the up and up.

Well it's time to get into the updates. I hope all my fans have a great Thanksgiving and Christmas season. If you're a Corona beer drinker you may wanna think twice about drinking it over the holidays. Ever since the hurricane went through Mexico, Corona beer is now up to $3 a barrel. Speaking of hurricanes, my Grandma's gas problem is getting worse. Last night the National Weather Service has upgraded her farts to a category 5 so I have to go over and tape up her windows up this weekend! I really am starting to feel sorry for FEMA. First of all, thank you to all my fans this year for coming to my shows. I have by far the best fans ever and not a day goes by that I don't thank you and appreciate your sense of humor and your support. My tour ends on the 10th of December at the National Finals Rodeo in Las Vegas at the Orleans so I hope ya make it out to the rodeo and my show!! It's almost as much fun as curing the bird flu with BB guns and bird feeders!

My book is out and thanks to those of you who picked it up. It reached #26 on the New York Times best seller list. If you don't have it, think about picking it up, I think you'll enjoy it. Also, look for the Christmas CD again this year as fans have been asking for it. It's a collection of goofy Christmas songs and stories that was originally released in 1993. It's something that you fans had requested from all those years when I called radio stations. It's a must for fans that have been with me from early on and want to relive the good ole days.

For the fans of Blue Collar TV, that DVD is in stores now and I thank all our fans for making that show a success. My movie Larry The Cable Guy - Health Inspector will be released on March 31st and I promise you'll laugh your ass off. Also coming up in June of 2006, don't miss me as the tow truck "Mater" in the Disney/Pixar film Cars. This is by far the coolest thing I've ever done and I know for a fact this will be Pixar's biggest movie yet. It wont be bigger than "Stroker Ace" but then again, what is?

If your around a TV on December 6th I'll be on the Billboard Music Awards on Fox and then on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on December 9th. All these of course depend on my parol officer. My new CD "The Right to Bare Arms" is just kickin' ass and if ya aint got it then you're a communist.

Well that's it! Ya'll have a great Thanksgiving and Christmas, That's right, I said Christmas as in the birth of Christ, so kiss my ass. Thanks again to all my fans for all your support this year and I love ya'll to death. Remember to always speak your mind and piss off a political corrector. Everyday you can piss off a PC asshole is a good day. Happy hunting season, Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

GIT-R-DONE!!!

Larry The Cable Guy