Saturday, October 15, 2005

Great Lines

I have just decided that I have 2 personalities, at least for blogging purposes. One personality is an idiot. The other is a lunatic. I try to alternate day to day. Today I am an idiot.

I am going to talk about favorite lines from movies and TV shows today. There are some lines I have heard throughout the years that I think are priceless and I’m going to tell you some of my favorites. Feel free to comment on some of your favorite lines, too. You don’t even have to confine them to movies and television either. There may be a line or two that you like from books and comic strips etc, too.

My all time favorite line from a movie is this one from the film, Rudy:

Father Cavanaugh said: “Son, in 35 years of religious study, I have only come up with 2 hard incontrovertible facts: there is a God, and I'm not Him.”

My favorite movie is Cyrano De Bergerac, the 1950 version in which the title character is played by Jose Ferrer, who won a best actor Oscar for his performance. Here is a conversation from the film:

The viscount: “Monsieur, Your nose is rather large.”

Cyrano: “Rather.”

Viscount: “Oh, well…”

Cyrano: “Is that all? Oh no, young sir, you are too simple. Why, you might have said a great many things. Why waste your opportunity? For example, thus:

Aggressive! Aye Sir, if that nose were mine, I’d have it amputated on the spot!
Practical. How do you drink with such a nose? You must have had a cup made especially.
Descriptive. ‘Tis a rock, a crag, a cape…a cape? Say rather, a peninsula!
Inquisitive. What is that receptacle? A razor case? Or a portfolio?
Kindly. Oh how you must love the little birds so much, you give them this to perch on!
Cautious. Take care! A weight like that might make you top heavy!
Eloquent. When it blows, the typhoon howls and the clouds darken!
Dramatic. When it bleeds, the Red Sea!
Simple: Uh, When do they unveil the monument?
Military. Beware! A secret weapon!
Enterprising. What a sign for some perfumer!
Respectful. Sir, I recognize in you a man of parts, a man of …hmmm prominence, or,
Literary. Was this the nose that launched a thousand ships?

These, my dear Sir, are things you might have said had you some tinge of letters or of wit to color your discourse. But wit? Not so. You never had an atom! And of letters, we need but three to write you down.
A… S…. S. … ASS!”

I like great lines in TV shows too. Here are some of my favorites:

From Barney Miller. Remember that one?

Detective Fish didn’t receive his paycheck. He called payroll and asked why, then hanged up the phone and looked up at Barney and said, “They say I’m dead.”
To which Barney deadpanned, “Probably just a mistake.”


WKRP in Cincinnati had several great lines. On the show which introduced the character of Venus Flytrap, the black DJ, Venus was introduced to Les Nessman, the station newsman, who said, “I do the sports here and, I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but there are a lot of Negroes in sports!”

Johnny Fever, DJ, once announced to his listeners, “We’ll be back with more music and less Nessman!”

And who can forget the Soup Nazi, in Seinfeld?

“No soup for you!”


From my favorite author, Kurt Vonnegut Jr: In Slaughterhouse Five :

“Listen. Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in Time.” And it gets better from there.

Comic strips:

From Pogo, by Walt Kelley, now deceased: “Beware! Friday the 13th comes on Thursday this month!”

Oh, there are so many more great lines. There just isn’t nearly enough room to put them all on here. What are some of your favorites?


Jaymeister said...

Mark, the great lines are too numerous to mention. I'll just leave a few here.

From WKRP, the greatest television line ever:
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

From Animal House:
"Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode." (I have other Animal House lines I prefer, but this is a family blog.)

From MASH (movie):
Hotlips: "Oh my God! They've shot him."
Colonel Blake: "Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop. It's the end of the quarter."

And the cleanest funny line I can think of from Slap Shot:
"This young man has had a very trying rookie season, with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada and that country's refusal to accept him, I guess that's more than most 21-year-olds can handle. Number six, Ogie Oglethorpe."

Mark said...

Lol, I remember the turkey show! That was funny!

Mark said...

Oh yes, Anumal House! How about this line? "You boys mind if we dance wit yo dates?"

Jaymeister said...

That was one of my favorites too, especially the way Boon was a total coward in that scene. And the girls walking home afterward. "Why would Fawn go out with boys like that? Eewwwwwwwwwwww!"

I wish we could all just go for a pop and talk about this stuff, and leave politics aside for a while.

RebelAngel said...

Here are a few of my favorites, Mark. And, thanks for the laughs!

"In her book Hillary Clinton said she could have divorced her husband for all of his infidelities, but decided to get counseling instead. In a related story Bill Clinton announced the name of his new book is 'What Does It Take To Get This Woman To Leave Me?'" Craig Kilbourn

My theory on evolution is that Darwin was adopted. --Steven Wright

My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a Democrat in the family. --Emo Philips

It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running to go fight in another fight, away from the first fight. -- Jack Handy

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! --Monty Python

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality." --
Mitch Hedberg

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
Mitch Hedberg

Etchen said...

OMG! I loved Barry Miller! I had also completely forgotten ab. POGO, but that was such a great strip. My favorite line has got to be "This isn't my first rodeo" from the movie "Mommy Dearest"

Marie's Two Cents said...

For me my favorites are also to numerous but a few of my fav's are
Dirty Harry: Go ahead, make my day..
Golden Girls: Dorothy's Mom to Dorothy- Where are you going?
Dorothy- Well Mom to go for a drive or commit a felony, I'll decide in the car..
Then of course-
John Kerry: I actually voted for the 87 million dollars before I voted against it..
Bubba Clinton: I did not have sex with that woman..

Mark said...

I finally found the ballade that Cyrano improvised (Nowadays known as free verse) while dueling with the Viscount at the Theatre Burgoyne. I wanted to include it in my post but had trouble finding it, so I will provide it now:

Lightly I toss my hat away
Languidly over my arm let fall
The cloak that covers my bright array -
Then out swords, and to work withal!

A Launcelot, in his Lady's hall...
A Spartacus, at the Hippodrome!...
I dally awhile with you, dear jackal,
Then, as I end the refrain, thrust home!

Where shall I skewer my peacock?
Nay, Better for you to have shunned this brawl!-
Here, in the heart, through your ribbons gay?
-In the belly, ‘neath your silken shawl?

Hark how my point floats, light as the foam,
Ready to drive you back to the wall,
Then, as I end the refrain, thrust home!

Ho, for a rime!...You are white as whey-
You break, you cower, you cringe, you...crawl!
Tac!-and I parry your last assay,
So may the turn of my hand forestall
Life with its honey, death with its gall,
So may the turn of my fancy roam,
Free, for a time, till the rimes recall,
Then, as I end the refrain, thrust home!

Prince! Pray God, that is Lord of all,
Pardon your soul, for your time has come!
Beat-pass-fling you aslant, asprawl-
Then, as I end the refrain...
-Thrust home!

Michael said...

In the movie tombstone, Ike Clanton said, "don't you ever lay your hands on a cowboy, cause we'll cut your pimps heart out". I just always thought that was one of the funniest things I ever heard.

Michael said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mark said...

Michael, Ike Clanton is a relative of mine. My great grandparents were Clantons.

Francis Lynn said...

Arthur Hunnicutt in "Red Badge of Courage": A woman, a dog, a willow tree... the harder ya treat them, the nicer they be.

Edward G. Robinson in "Little Caesar" as he lay dying: Mother of Mercy, is this the end of Rico?

Monty Python's Holy Grail (after bloody fight scene at wedding): What's all this bickering & arguing over who killed who? This a happy occasion.

William said...

Movie lines are funny. I have quite a few, but I'll spare you.