Monday, October 10, 2005

Exclusive Report: Bush Causes Hurricanes

This is nothing new. It was reported several weeks ago, that "The Martian ice caps are shrinking. As they are made mostly of frozen carbon dioxide, this evaporation could trigger an increase in Mars own greenhouse effect."--Innovations report

However, after some exhaustive research, I have made some astonishing discoveries concerning the Mars polar ice caps. Here is what I have managed to piece together:

In January of 2001, newly ignaugarated President of the United States George W. Bush, clandestinely dispatched a contingent of several multi-millionaire and at least 2 billionaire capitalist industrialists (the exact number is yet to be determined.)including several from Halliburton, to the planet Mars, aboard a secret rocket ship built specifically for this purpose.

Because the passengers were not the typical NASA astronauts trained for space travel, the spaceship they traveled in was equipped with all of the luxuries the space travelers had become familiar with, including state of the art bathroom and kitchen facilities, an exercise room, 2 spas, a hot tub in every cabin, private maids and masseuse's, and of course, personal accountants, etc.

The purpose of this mission only recently became clear with the discovery that the polar ice caps on Mars were melting. According to an unnamed source close to the White House, the men, and at least one woman*, were sent to Mars to build and perfect a high tech machine designed to increase the overall temperature on the planet Mars in order to disrupt weather patterns on Earth and instigate major Global changes.

This explains why the polar ice caps on Mars are melting.

It has been reported, but as yet unconfirmed, that the primary reason for the elaborate weather manipulation is to create Hurricanes, tsunami's, and other wide spread "natural" disasters in order to decrease the population of certain "unwanted and useless drains on the Global economy, specifically brown people, and to decrease crime rates worldwide".

President Bush was overheard by a certain anonymous ex-CBS news anchor to have said, "I hate Black people."

The retired newsman said, "You know me, I wouldn't lie to you."

When told of this amazing discovery, a spokesman for the Democratic party gleefully exclaimed, "I told you, I told you, Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah!"

The investigation as yet is incomplete but I will keep you updated as more information comes in.

Update: It has come to my attention that certain right wing bloggers are treating this story as if it is a figment of someone's fertile imagination. Read what My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy has to say here.

* The woman reportedly is Harriet Miers, recently appointed to the SCOTUS as an associate Justice, however it cannot be explained how she got back to Earth while her colleagues are still on Mars.

21 comments:

Beth said...

I double-dog dare you to sign up for the Daily Kosuck or the DU(h) and post this over there with a straight face!

Watch it spread as truth! hahahahahhaha

rich bachelor said...

Except for the fact that increased surface level ocean temperature does, in fact, lead to more in the way of oceanic disturbances (like hurricanes).
So-have your funny joke, I guess, but that won't make any of our lives better.
We could argue all night about what causes the raising of sea temperatures, but the fact remains that they are rising, and tax credits for people driving SUVs isn't going to help (just as an example).

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mark said...

The sad part is, the liberals are just so eager to find dirt on President Bush, especially when he is linked to Halliburton, that this will probably be picked up by them and the next thing you know the NY Times and CBS news will be publishing it as fact.

It is't anymore far fetched then the theory that Bush orchestrated the 9/11 attacks on the WTC and the Pentagon.

jgaoehals14962 said...

Mark,
I'm here to inform you that that the unnamed source is Harriet Meirs and she got back from Mars using those super stealth black helicopters... you know the ones? They can't be seen, or heard, and they come and remove people from society who cause trouble... wait... what's that noise??? O my gosh, their outside my window...

HELP....

jgaoehals14962 said...

That was a close one... they only came for my neighbor...

BTW Rich, the fact that you are still trying to tie rising of the ocean temperature to SUVs is a bit of a stretch. Have you ever been to a third world country and seen the amount of pollution they put into the air, without SUVs? The earth can handle it all... in fact, the temperature is rising on Mars, it's from the sun... the same sun that we get our light and heat from... could it be the sun is actually getting warmer? And that the warmer ocean temperatures is part of a normal cycle? BTW, you really don't believe the press that Katrina was the worst hurricane in American history do you? If you do, it shows your limited knowledge of history and hurricanes.

God bless

The Autorantic Virtual Moonbat said...

It's like 1930 all over again!! The chimp in charge's War Against Windmills must end now!!!

The WordSmith from Nantucket said...

The Santa Ana winds are supposed to kick up again, today. Bad for my allergies. I blame George W. Bush. I can't prove it, but he must somehow be responsible.

The Autorantic Virtual Moonbat again!!!!!!! said...

Carnivores. I imagine, it looks like we can say goodbye to the ecosystem. It goes without saying, George W(armonger) Bush caused hurricane Katrina by starving the outsourced puppies in Samarra!!!!

Francis Lynn said...

This site has should satisfy the BushBlamers: http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush/

Sheila said...

Hey,

Here's an exerpt from an article on Miers on the Family Research Counsil Website;

The atmosphere on all too many campuses is, tragically, pro-abortion. But the climate of opinion around the U.S. Supreme Court is more intensely so. The reporters, commentators, lawyers, and far too many clerks constitute a powerful pro-abortion monopoly of opinion. A man or woman must have strong principles and unshakable determination to resist those pressures.
President Bush has assured us that Harriet Miers does have that inner toughness. We certainly hope she does.

Mark said...

Sheila, 2 things.

1. Where ya been lately?

2. Geeeez, it's only a humor piece

Sheila said...

Mark!

1)I've been moving to the Midwest.

2) I was a humor piece you wrote today...LOL

I don't know how I did it, but I was commenting on another site and hit you instead...sorry. :)

tugboatcapn said...

Mark, using undiscovered evidence, I have determined that the "woman" on the Mars Mission was Barbara Boxer, who tagged along in order to set up and abortion clinic on Mars.

Ms. Miers had to stay behind, so that she could assist Karl Rove in setting the explosives under the Levees in New Orleans.

This was a funny post...
I'm proud of you!

Fitch said...

Excellent work, Mark.

Anonymous said...

How to Solve Global Warming:

1) Pretend it exists
2) Invent Massive Air Conditioner
3) Solve Global Cooling

FrenziedFeline said...

LOL--funny stuff, Mark!

BRUISER said...

Bush doesn't cause Hurricanes But his Policies do...


Bush hates facts people.

tugboatcapn said...

Bruiser causes Hurricanes.

The Earth cannot absorb that much Hot Air...

Be Quiet, Bruiser...
You are ruining the Environment!

tugboatcapn said...

Oh, and Anonymous...
That was GREAT!!
LMAO!!

Stan said...

I love it, great site.