Why Blame?

"Nothing's cold as ashes, after the fire is gone" ~ Conway Twitty

A boy playing with matches started a Southern California wildfire that scorched more than 38-thousand acres and destroyed 63 structures, according to the L.A. County Sheriff's Department. "After talking with the suspect, he admitted playing with matches and starting the fire," the report said. The boy was released to the custody of his parents, police said. The case will be presented to the Los Angeles County district attorney for possible charges.

How should he be punished? He says it was an accident, but does he deserve criminal charges? Do we have an obligation as a society to take action, or should this be left up to his parents? Does it matter how old he is? What would you do if this were your son?

This was the subject on the "Grandy and Andy Morning Show" this morning on WMAL radio.

My question is this:

Why must there be any punishment at all? Why do we have to have someone to blame for everything? Is it not possible that sometimes things are simply an accident, and nobody deserves punishment? Isn't the regret and remorse the boy undoubtedly feels adequate to assure this kid will be more careful with matches?

Why must we always have to have somebody to blame?

Yes, I know there have been tremendous losses as a result of this fire, and yes, the victims deserve some sort of recompense. But then, that's what insurance is for, isn't it?

Fred Grandy (remember "Gopher" from Love Boat?) suggested if the boy is not old enough to be responsible (the report did not specify the child's age), perhaps his parents should be held responsible. Why? Does anyone think the kids parents actually taught their child to be irresponsible or foolhardy?

We've all been kids. and now and then, it made no difference how many times we were instructed to be responsible and not to do something that might result in injury or other serious consequences, we often did it anyway.

That is the nature of children.

When I was a child, I remember my older brother and I were playing with matches on one occasion. It was an Indian Summer day in Wichita, Kansas, and it was dry and windy. (Those who have spent any time in Wichita know it's always windy) My brother dropped a lit match into some dry grass, with a predictable, but unintended result. The dry grass blazed, and soon we were stomping and beating the flames with our coats trying unsuccessfully to put the fire out.

After the fire department brought the fire under control, just in time to prevent a propane tank in the midst of it from exploding, a fireman questioned my brother about his role in the incident. I don't remember if he or my parents were punished, but I do remember the look of fear on my brothers face. I had never seen him so vulnerable, so frightened and so traumatized, and I have never seen him in that way since. As far as I'm concerned, the terror experienced by the thought of what might have been was punishment enough.

Were my parents responsible? They weren't even there. They were at work. They had no doubt warned us many times of the danger of playing with matches, but we were kids. Kids do stupid things.

As a parent I can attest that kids sometimes don't listen to their parents and do irresponsible, even stupid things. It isn't that I don't teach my children responsibility and integrity. But sometimes they don't do as they've been instructed. Should I be punished because my children chose to disobey me?

I know there are parents who are completely irresponsible themselves. Parents who don't instruct, discipline, or serve as good role models to their children. Some are criminals themselves. In that case, I believe holding them responsible would be appropriate.

But I'm referring to the majority of parents, who try their best to instill good values and judgement into their progeny. There is no value in punishing them for their children's irresponsibility.

I know I incessantly talk about personal responsibility, but in what way can the parents be held responsible for the disobedience of their children? And why should they?

I say don't punish the kid. Don't punish the parents. Just this once, can't we just accept the fact that accidents happen, and understand that sometimes irresponsibility has unfortunate consequences? Those consequences in themselves are punishment enough. Let him make a sincere apology and move on. This kid will no doubt remember the rest of his life that playing with matches isn't smart.

And after all, isn't the assurance that he won't do it again the whole point of punishment?