Friday, February 10, 2006

What The NSA Does

"If America shows weakness and uncertainty, the world will drift toward tragedy. That will not happen on my watch.” ~ George W. Bush

The following is the first of three short one act skits depicting, fictionally… 1. What the NSA does, 2. What the Democrats claim the NSA does, and 3. What the Democrats seemingly want the NSA to do.

Scenario 1:

The scene opens on a room full of cubicles, a computer, and an NSA employee with a pair of ear phones in each cubicle. At Center stage there are three men, Tom, Dick, and Harry, the latter being a trainee. They are each in their separate but adjoining cubicles.

Tom and Dick are training the new employee, Harry.

Tom: These computers are programmed to alert us when certain words and phrases are used during phone conversations between known al-Qaida operatives in the Middle East and known al-Qaida operatives inside the United States.

Harry: You mean words like “bomb” or “Hijack”?

Dick: Yes, and phrases like…uh…”The explosion is set for 9:00 AM” , things like that, you know.

Tom: That’s right, and we don’t have to do anything until the alert sounds, the computer automatically starts recording the calls and the information like where it’s coming from, going to, and things like that.

(An alarm sounds.)

Tom: Oh, there goes one now, Harry. Here’s your first chance to help protect our country. Go ahead and flip that switch there, and listen in.

Harry (dons the earphones and listens intently for a minute.): It’s from Tora Bora, Afghanistan, to Waldorf. Maryland. It’s definitely al-Qaida.

(After a few seconds, Harry looks up at Tom and Dick, with a look of alarm on his face.)

Harry: Oh wow! They are talking about setting a bomb off at the White house! What do I do?

Tom: Make a note of the precise time and particulars just in case the computer loses the information.

Dick: Make sure you document everything. That’s of utmost importance!

Harry: Everything?

Tom: Everything, even if you don’t think it’s particularly important.

Harry: OK, then what?

Dick: Leave that to us for now. We have to notify the supervisor and then he has to notify his superiors and on and on up to the President. But in matters of this importance, the process goes through in seconds.

Tom tears off a strip of continuous feed computer paper from the printer and sprints out of the room as Dick picks up the nearest phone.

Dick (speaking into phone): Ben, We’ve got a priority code 1 here….Yes Sir….10-4. (then turning to Harry) See? That’s how it’s done.

(20 minutes later) Tom walks back in the room and shakes hands with Dick and Harry.

Tom: Well, I just heard from the field officers. The terrorists are now in custody. Good work, Harry.

Harry: Wow, It sure makes a guy feel good to know he just saved hundreds of lives!

Tom and Dick: It sure does, Harry. It sure does!


Scenario 2, tommorrow


Poison Pero said...

You should do a scenerio with the Democrat plan.....Something like this:

It's New Year's Eve and almost a million people are hanging out waiting for Dick Clark to die and the ball to drop at midnight.

At the NSA three 'Dicks' walk over to the FISA court to ask for.........BOOM!

Ooops, too late.

Not the 'Dicks' fault though......They were trying to make sure no one's civil rights were trampled on as Bin Sheetinmypants set off a nuke in Time's Square.

Plus, it was later found out the FISA judge would have overruled the request to spy on Bin Sheetinmypants anyway.......He was sure the dude was an 'innocent' illegal alien, who just came to America to look for work.
Of course this is a work of fiction, but it could easily be true in Liberalville.

Mark said...

Pero, stay tuned. That scenario is coming, too. In Part 3. This is the first of 3 parts.

Erudite Redneck said...


I am enthralled. You should write for Jack Chick. :-)

Dan Trabue said...

Scenario 2:

Tom: I've just heard this Quaker group use the term "Bomb DC!"

Dick: What was the context?

Tom: Context?

Harry: What difference does it make?! They clearly said, "bomb DC!" Alert the authorities!

(20 minutes later)
Dick: Well, they arrested two little old white-haired Quaker terrorists and doubtless saved our way of life from destruction.

Tom, Harry: Good golly! Thank W for his wisdom and insight!

Dick: If only we could begin to arrest people for likely future crimes!

All: Ha! ha! ha!...say...That's not a bad idea!


Some of us just don't trust Big Gov't. They used to be called "Conservatives," but not so much anymore.

Mark said...

I keep hearing Libs mention wire tapping Quakers but I haven't seen anything in the news about that. It would seem to me, since the media is so overwhelmingly Librally biased, that if that really happened, we wouldn't be hearing about anything else. It must be some unsubstantiated rumor running on Liberal blogs. Better go to and check it's veracity.

Dan Trabue said...

Mark, I don't know whether or not they've wire-tapped Quakers. I do know they and other anti-war groups have been investigated and infiltrated to be spied upon.

The point is, we frankly don't trust this bunch in office to be given carte blanche powers with no checks and balances.

We're not even all opposed to wiretaps. We're opposed to wiretaps that are done without going through the process of getting a warrant. That's the law and we think it a wise one.

Timothy said...

No, if we were truly wire-tapping Quakers... they wouldn't care, because Quakers are typically conservative, and very religious... BTW, do Quakers actually have wires to tap? I thought they liked to live in the 1800s. Hhm?

Mark said...

No, Tim, The Quakers have telephones. You are thinking of the Amish. Thay are the ones that drive horses and buggies and use candles etc. But even a lot of them have moved on into the 20th century. I often see them at night around here driving their horse and buggies with electric headlights and taillights blazing.

I have searching google for this story about Quakers being wiretapped and I can't find it anywhere in any news sources. I have found references to it on Liberal blogs, but that's the only place.

Here is what the real storu appears to be:

(from MSNBC)[A]t a Quaker Meeting House in Lake Worth, Fla., a small group of activists met to plan a protest of military recruiting at local high schools.

The FBI infiltrated the meeting to make sure no usurrections were being planned. No wiretapping was done. And especially, not of the Quakers. the only Quaker connection was that the meeting was held in one of their churches.

Nope. no wiretapping of Quakers. As usual, the Left has spun a story to fit their agenda.

Poison Pero said...

I'm pretty sure the Quakers aren't too worried about being tapped.

Those who should be worried, should be worried.

Trust me, I'm concerned about giving too much power to the Prez, because I know someday a Dem will reclaim the office......Hillary was dangerous with FBI files, imagine what she'd do with NSA powers.

That said, I'm still not too worried about it.

Hey Dan, how come the (D)'s are caving on the Patriot Act? I thought Harry said they "killed it".........Reason: They know the people want it.

The people also want us to wiretap Al Qaeda and its operatives in the U.S...Even if they are U.S. citizens.

Sheila said...

All Right you uninformed Conservatives, friends, and neighbors.

If you can believe your Moderate Neighbor here. I won't lie.

I saw the papers that were leaked to the press and a close up of the Quakers stuff.

I am staying here in Lake Worth Florida. The Story was all over the local news and in the Palm Beach Herald. The Quaker Group is here in Lake Worth.

Then the story was reported in depth on the News Hour with Jim Leher and it even was discussed with Hannity and Colms.

As with most important news, the cable National News stays away from it. Afraid to step on toes anymore.

This one bit of that 300 some odd report that was leaked to the press was the reason why the Senate decided to have hearings.

That's all I know. hey guys, for better or for worse. I read and listen to ALL sides before making a judgement myself. I'm still making up my mind about this. I for one am watching and reading everything and this part of our history unfolding is very interesting.

Don't close your mind to it. Its just not about the Prez. It's about Democracy in action. Checks and Balances. Every President at was has dealt with it. Why Should President Bush be any differant?

Sheila said...

THe Government wire tapped the phones of said Quaker
members. They are still under investigation. The group found out that their library records, their email, their credit card transactions, and yada yada yada are actively being monitored.

The paper that I saw in close up showed that six months of monitoring had already been done and they were still being labeled as a "Threat".

Porter Goss is now investigating who leaked it....So that means the papers were legit.

I would not be suprised if the Gov confiscated this sensitive info and did some cleaning. Because afterall, that was over 300 pages of sensitive monitoring of who knows who.

Mark said...

Dan, if 2 little old white haired Quakers are talking about bombing DC, they should be monitored. Why should their age or religion be a factor? Should we be profiling instead?

If anyone, even Quakers, are plotting to murder Americans anywhere, whether in league with al-Qaida or anyone else, they should be arrested.

It appears, then, if the government is wiretapping even Quakers, they are doing what they are supposed to do, not discriminating. The NSA is an equal opportinuty investigator.

If your neighbor was plotting to kill you, wouldn't you want to know about it?

I would.

Goat said...

Don't miss this story about the Clinton's PI Pellicano.
It seems Hillbillary may have some legal problems coming regarding spying, as if that is surprising.

Anonymous said...

Nice quote from Bush at the top.

Here's a more memorable one: "Brownie, you're doin'a heckuva job!"

Dan Trabue said...

Mark, you're not getting it, friend.

In my scenario, let's play pretend that what the Quakers said was, "Those nutty feds think we want to [bomb DC]! Don't they realize we're pacifists?!"

My point is that WE DON'T TRUST these folk and we want them to obey the laws that are in place. You want to tap someone's phone - get a warrant. You break the law - you go to jail.

That's the point. Quakers are worried about being spied upon. Mennonites are worried about being spied on. Why? Because we are being spied upon!

Doesn't make us nutjobs or unpatriotic. In fact, in some circles, not believing in an expansive meddling gov't makes us conservative.

And how come you didn't print my other comment?

Mark said...

I am not worried about being spied on. I'm not doing anything wrong. They can spy on me if they want to. especially if they need sleep.

What other comment? I haven't rejected any comments except Kevron's.

Dan Trabue said...

Sorry. I must have started to post one and didn't. I thought I did.

Sorry. Didn't mean to impugn your good name.

Sheila said...

For the record. These retired Teachers. The Quakers, made the fatal mistake of holding protest signs out side their old High Shcool.

Quakers are pacifist. They held signs warning High Schoolers not to enlist.

Now this may get your eire up. However, these people were following their creed. They were following their heart. They were doing what has inherently been protected and honored in this country. What our faounding fathers wanted.

The right to speak what's in your heart without retribution.

This is the one right that peoples over the world have told me is the one special thing about America.