Friday, June 23, 2006

How To Be A Liberal

“Wallow too much in sensitivity and you can't deal with life, or the truth.” ~ Neal Boortz

I've seen this on various blogs and had it sent to me in e-mails. I had it sent to me again last night, and this time decided to post it here. It's probably the most accurate and concise position statement on a positionless ideology I've ever seen, and better done than anything I could have thought of, so I repost it here:

22 ways to be a good Liberal

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean Communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion Of The Christ for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison and A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers Christmas Day off but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."

13 comments:

rusty shakelford said...

Number 13 is the best.

Pamela Reece said...

Guess I'm not a liberal... big shocker!! Great post, Mark!

Jim said...

One way to be a good right-wing nut job:

Make up 22 totally inane lies and try to make other right-wing nut jobs believe them.

I'm as liberal as anybody who posts here, and I don't believe in one of your 22 lies.

They're just lies.

Timothy said...

Jim,
So you believe in capital punishment and don't believe in abortion? Is that what you are saying?
Are you saying that abortion is wrongin all instances, and the goverment should put to death it's most wicked killers?

Enlighten us Jim as to which one of these lies, as you called them, are actually lies?

tugboatcapn said...

Yeah, Mark.

Stop making up stuff about Liberals that isn't true.

How long did it take you to make up all those lies about Liberals?

And did you extensively research every point or did you just pull all that out of thin air?

Stop trying to make other right-wing nut jobs believe lies about Liberals!

Lies, I tell you!

LIES!

Oh, and by the way, you left one off the list.

23. You have to believe that ridiculing Republicans and Christians is just good fun, while making fun of Liberals is offensive, intollerant, and deserves severe punishment.

Grow a sense of humor, and try to lighten up just a bit there, Jim.

You'll be much happier...

Jim said...

No, I am against capital punishment, but I know many liberals who are not. You don't have to be against capital punishment to be liberal. To claim otherwise is a false.

I don't know what you mean by abortion on demand. This is a Republic term to spin something that does not exist unless you can show me someplace in this country where someone can go at anytime in their pregnancy and "demand" and abortion and get one. And one does not have to support abortion to be liberal.

So your number one claim is false and you just go downhill from there.

Jim said...

Tug, I have an excellent sense of humor. And I'd have plenty of tolerance of this "humor" if it were meant in the spirit of humor, but it is obviously not. Every word of it is meant to be serious.

And your number 23 is one of the most ludicrous of all. It is one of the biggest lies asserted by the Christian right. Show me anywhere on this blog where Republics or Christians have been ridiculed.

The plain fact is that this assertion is a bald-faced lie. You keep saying how this is a Christian nation and the majority of the country are Christians, and yet somehow you are so oppressed, so beaten down, disgraced and ridiculed by liberals.

What a crock!

Goat said...

#23. They think the first ammendment means we have to listen to them.#24. What Second ammendment,that is the left today?

ELAshley said...

#25 -- You have to believe the words "Separation of church and state" are in the Constitution.

#26 -- You have to worship at the altar of "Political Correctness"

Great post, despite Jim's objections!

Jim said...

OK Goat, YOUR #23 IS funny. LOL. However #24 is laughable. I've never heard any liberal argue against the second amendment. However, it is true that since the amendment was first written there has been years and years of debate as to what the second amendment actually means. That suggests to me that debating the meaning and differing from YOUR interpretation is not only legitimate but traditional.

tugboatcapn said...

Jim, you show me anywhere on this Blog where I have said that this is a Christian Nation, or that the Majority of this Country are Christians.

Your assertion that I have said this is a LIE!

You need to stop with all of your LIES!

And YOU said that a good way to be a right-wing nut job is to " Make up 22 totally inane lies and try to make other right-wing nut jobs believe them."

That is NOT a good way to be a good right-wing nut job.

That statement is a LIE as well.

I'm sick of you Liberals and all of your LIES!

Jim said...

OK Tug, you got me. I was not clear that "you" meant those like you who claim that liberals ridicule Christians as you did when you offered lie #23.

Seamus said...

Awesome. I've never seen such a good list in my life.